"So you're moving to Paris for your boyfriend." At least half of my friends have made this statement after I shared news of moving abroad, and then eagerly waited for me to respond "yes" before they continued on in their creatively discrete ways, how it would never be a good idea to move to a foreign country for a boy.
"Don't worry, that would be the surest way to destroy our relationship." I would respond. And I meant every word. I had already seen it unfold in my mind when I considered the twenty thousand possible events that could happen after I moved,..
Possible Event #1: Arriving with the unrealistic expectation that everything would be perfect if only we were together, my dream is immediately shattered upon our first little (inevitable) argument. Unable to process such a giant disappointment, my thoughts race to the fact that I had left my whole life behind for him (because I didn't have or pursue anything else in Paris), and a boiling anger begins to form within me. We probably make up this first time and forget about it. But as time goes by, we sometimes argue again, and every time, instead of believing that he has the best intentions, I can only think of the fact that I had given up everything for him, and for him to act in any negative way angered me beyond comprehension. I begin to resent him. At the same time, because I find it difficult to meet new friends and have no goals or aspirations in Paris outside our relationship, I start to revolve my life around him. We become exclusive. All the time. Life simply ceased to exist for me outside of him. Then, one day, because we couldn't sustain a life with just each other (and no friends or goals in life), because the constant anger and disappointment I felt from extraordinarily high expectations finally took its toll, and because with no life beyond him, I saw to him to cater to all my needs...it all exploded in my face. In spectacular fashion.
That's probably an extreme scenario, but some version of that is likely to happen if I had moved to Paris just for him. Healthy relationships should be nurturing, each person adding something positive to the other person's life, not limiting or detracting from the other's experiences. Moving to another country for the sole reason of being with someone else is the surest way to take away experiences from their life, because you inadvertently demand that their life revolves around catering to your needs.
So I gave myself the Control Test.Technically, I would want to imagine a situation without that variable altogether. But given the fact that I don't really trust myself to ignore the boyfriend factor completely, I gave myself the Worst Scenario Test instead. If my boyfriend and I broke up one month after I moved to Paris, what would I do?
If the answer was a resounding, I will still be happy to live my life in Paris to the fullest, I had passed the test. If not, then it was time to rethink my decisions for moving there.